Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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