I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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