thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
