you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
