I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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