You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
