Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
