Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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