i dedicated my morning wood to you.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
