you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
