my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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