Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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