i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
