I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
