I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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