capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
