before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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