Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
