dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
