that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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