he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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