His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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