yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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