I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
