either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
