I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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