i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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