I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
