Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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