Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
