hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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