so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
