hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
