dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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