thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
