Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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