No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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