I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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