all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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