Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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