I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How external is "for external use only"?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
