that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
