I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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