Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
