Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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