Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
