My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
