Having a random hookup so left but love u
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
