when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
