ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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