My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
