and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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