and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
