I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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