I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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