If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
