smell my finger.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.