I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im so drunk with asians
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Brb crying the tears of my youth
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"