i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.