just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.