god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me