I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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