So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
