MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
