I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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