Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
