I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
