i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My vagina just clenched in fear
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