So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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