sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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