threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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