I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
