mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
